Peer Review for Nicole S.'s Illustration Essay

1. Is the introductory paragraph interesting? Why or why not? What does the writer give you to make you want to continue reading?

It is interesting how she finds humor in something that some people may find distressing. Other than that, the introduction does not give me much of what is to come.

2. Is there a clear thesis statement? Can you find a sentence (or two) that reveals the writer’s purpose?

The thesis statement is somewhat clear, but needs to be refined.

3. Type the sentence(s) below that you believe to be the writer’s thesis statement. If the thesis is implied, state it in your own words below.

"It makes me laugh that people see how I look physically and already make a judgment of me before they get a chance to know how smart and awesome I actually am", is the thesis statement. However, I think it could be trimmed down and clarified, so it is easier to see what is to come.

4. Do all of the paragraphs contribute to the development of the thesis? Point out any paragraph(s) that you have difficulty relating to the thesis statement or illustration.

The paragraphs do relate to the thesis, but the paragraphs often become too general. More detail can add a lot to this essay.

5. Would the essay improve if the paragraphs were arranged differently? Why/why not? Note any paragraph that seems out of order. Are the paragraphs connected to one another smoothly and logically? Are there transitions between paragraphs that help you understand how the writer’s ideas are connected? Explain.

The order is okay. However, the last paragraph can be broken into two ideas, and then transitioned into a new conclusion.

6. Do individual paragraphs seem well detailed? What suggestions would you make about adding/subtracting specific examples to help illustrate the writer’s point or concept?

Some paragraphs are too vague. If some dialogue or examples are added, it would enhance this essay greatly.

7. Are all of the writer’s paragraphs unified and coherent? Indicate which paragraphs have any sentences that seem irrelevant (“unity” concerns) or out of order (“coherence” concerns).

As mentioned earlier, the final paragraph could be broken into two paragraphs. This would make the essay a bit easier to understand.

8. Go back and read the first and last paragraph. Has the writer fulfilled the obligations he or she established in the introduction? Does the writer accomplish everything promised in the introduction, or does the essay go off track or seem to switch focus? Why or why not? How can the conclusion be improved?

The conclusion is not there. A conclusion needs to be written to close out this essay. Also, the introduction is very short and not specific. A revised introduction would help a lot.

9. Now look at sentences. Does the writer have sentences that strike you as effective because they include strong verbs, specific details, memorable phrases, or striking images? Does the writer have any words they repeat too often, use incorrectly, or misspells? Finally, does the writer have any tendencies for error they should be made aware of? (Think comma splices, run-on sentences, or switches in verb tense, etc.)

Nothing specific stands out in my mind, but the writer's style is interesting. Her style kept my attention throughout the essay.

10. Write a summary comment that explains what you like best about the paper. Then, describe the two features of the paper that most need improvement. What suggestion(s) for overcoming these problems do you have?

The writing style is interesting, but the essay is not detailed enough. The essay also needs a conclusion. If some examples are used for detail, the essay would benefit. Furthermore, a good conclusion would close this essay out in great fashion.