1. Is the introductory paragraph interesting? Why or why not? Does the introduction specify clearly what is to be analyzed? Can you tell if causes (a number of television programs or characters), effects (positive influences or benefits), or both will be emphasized?
The introduction is interesting because it shows an important point in his life, and how things were going to change. This leads me to believe that there will be a lot of cause and effect situations in this essay.
2. Is there a clear thesis statement? Can you find a sentence (or two) that reveals the writer’s point or purpose for the analysis? Type the sentence(s) below that you believe to be the writer’s thesis statement. If the thesis is implied, state it in your own words below.
"I was in love with all of those cartoons and never missed one episode. When I got into eight grade was first time I saw the anime called Ruroni Kenshin", are the thesis sentences, but a revision for clarity will help a lot.
3. Does the writer include a sufficient number of programs or characters (cause) and positive results (effect)? Why or why not? What other causes or effects should the writer consider?
He includes many cartoons in a general group. Then he picks one to show all the causes and effects that it had on his life.
4. Are the causes/effects reasonable or believable and not too far fetched? Does the author make any creative connections or offer anything that surprises you—or does the analysis seem obvious? Explain.
The connections are very reasonable, because his life changed very rapidly when he moved from Bosnia to the United States. There was bound to be something that affected him at this time. It happened to be cartoons.
5. Would the essay improve if the paragraphs were arranged differently? Why/why not? Note any paragraph that seems out of order. Are the paragraphs connected to one another smoothly and logically? Are there transitions between paragraphs that help you understand how the writer’s ideas are connected? Explain.
The introduction and thesis statement needs a bit of revision. Also, the transition between the introduction and second paragraph could be smoother. These revisions are needed to be able to clearly see what the thesis statement.
6. Do individual paragraphs seem well detailed? What suggestions would you make about adding/subtracting specific examples to help illustrate the writer’s cause and/or effect analysis?
Near the end of the essay, the point about his parents being strict could be intertwined with the main focus of the essay a bit better. This will help combat any unity problems.
7. Are all of the writer’s paragraphs unified and coherent? Indicate which paragraphs have any sentences that seem irrelevant (“unity” concerns) or out of order (“coherence” concerns).
As mentioned before, the point about strict parents can be unified with the main focus of the essay better.
8. Go back and read the first and last paragraph. Has the writer fulfilled the obligations he or she established in the introduction? Does the writer accomplish everything promised in the introduction, or does the essay go off track or
seem to switch focus? Why or why not? How can the conclusion be improved?
Once the introduction is revised, the conclusion will make more sense. The conclusion is fine, but the problem lies with the introduction.
9. Now look at sentences. Does the writer have sentences that strike you as effective because they include strong verbs, specific details, memorable phrases, or striking images? Does the writer have any words they repeat too often, use incorrectly, or misspells? Finally, does the writer have any tendencies for error they should be made aware of? (Think comma splices, run-on sentences, or switches in verb tense, etc.)
This essay has a lot of spelling errors. If it is proofread a few times, all the errors should become obvious. Also, there are a few run-on sentences that would benefit from a proofreading.
10. Write a summary comment that explains what you like best about the paper. Then, describe the two features of the paper that most need improvement. What suggestion(s) for overcoming these problems do you have?
I really like how his life is changed for the better, instead of for the worse. However, a revision of the thesis statement will help this essay become clearer. Also, proofreading this essay a few times will correct the spelling and run-on sentence errors.
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