1. First of all, does the essay respond appropriately to the assignment: 1) Is the writer writing about a group or class that he or she is a member of? (For example, a male shouldn’t be writing an “I Want a Girlfriend” essay; also an “I Want a Genie” essay would not be acceptable), or 2) Is the writer ranting against a pet peeve or current societal shortcoming? Explain your answer.
The essay does respond appropriately to the assignment. There are a few rants about pet peeves, but that is to be expected when talking about this topic.
2. “I Want a Wife” is a good example of an essay with an implied thesis statement. Does your writer have an explicit (stated) or implicit (implied) thesis? If the thesis is clearly stated, re-write it below. If the thesis is implied, write what you believe the thesis to be below.
"There are certain aspects of being a sister that are not perfect, but it would be nice for my sister to be the perfect sister for just one day", is the thesis statement for this essay.
3. Is the writer’s term or concept sufficiently defined? Why or why not? What other information would help you “define” this term?
This writer does a great job defining the concept. The essay was easy to understand.
4. Do all of the paragraphs contribute to the development of the thesis? Point out any paragraph(s) that you have difficulty relating to the thesis statement or definition.
All paragraphs support the thesis statement very well.
5. Would the essay improve if the paragraphs were arranged differently? Why/why not? Note any paragraph that seems out of order. Are the paragraphs connected to one another smoothly and logically? Are there transitions between paragraphs that help you understand how the writer’s ideas are connected? Explain.
The paragraph arrangement is fine. However, if the second to last and last sentence in the second paragraph were switched with each other, the transition would be smoother.
6. Do individual paragraphs seem well detailed? What suggestions would you make about adding/subtracting specific details that would help define the writer’s term(s) or concept? Does the writer utilize the different strategies of definition (see “Notes of Definition” posted August 10th)? What strategy should the writer consider using more? Explain your answer—why would this strategy be effective?
She does not use the basic definition techniques, but she does define by example, description, and enumeration. I think the way she defined her perfect sister was effective.
7. Are all of the writer’s paragraphs unified and coherent? Indicate which paragraphs have any sentences that seem irrelevant (“unity” concerns) or out of order (“coherence” concerns).
The paragraphs are coherent, but the third paragraph seems to lack a topic sentence.
8. Brady’s essay is also a good example of an effective tone…while not quite a rant, she definitely exudes frustration with society’s expectations of “wifely” duties. Does the essay you’re reading have a similar tone? What could the writer do to sound even more exasperated?
This writer's essay follows the tone that Brady set in "I Want a Wife". It has times when it borderlines a rant, but the essay stays on track until the end.
9. Now look at sentences. Does the writer have sentences that strike you as effective because they include strong verbs, specific details, memorable phrases, or striking images? Does the writer have any words they repeat too often, use incorrectly, or misspells? Finally, does the writer have any tendencies for error they should be made aware of? (Think comma splices, run-on sentences, or switches in verb tense, etc.)
Nearly every sentence is detailed specifically to define by description and enumeration. A basic sentence structure is repeated throughout the essay, but is effective for defining.
10. Write a summary comment that explains what you like best about the paper. Then, describe the two features of the paper that most need improvement. What suggestion(s) for overcoming these problems do you have?
I can relate on this topic, because I have siblings. Seeing a list of a perfect sister is very amusing to me, because I get where the writer is coming from. The third paragraph needs a topic sentence. Also, the transition from the second to the third paragraph could be smoothed out by switching the sentences that I mentioned before.
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