1. Is the introductory paragraph interesting? Why or why not? What does the writer give you to make you want to continue reading?
It is interesting, because most everyone has been through high school and can relate to the topic. This topic made me curious to his high school experience.
2. Is there a clear thesis statement? Can you find a sentence (or two) that reveals the writer’s purpose?
The thesis statement is mostly clear, but it would not hurt to state it more obviously.
3. Type the sentence(s) below that you believe to be the writer’s thesis statement. If the thesis is implied, state it in your own words below.
The implied thesis is the decisions that he and his friends made in high school were mostly based on fitting in and making friends.
4. Do all of the paragraphs contribute to the development of the thesis? Is it clear to you how each of the paragraphs relate to the process the writer is examining? Are any of the required steps or stages left out? Point out any paragraph(s) that you have difficulty relating to the thesis statement or process.
All of the paragraphs relate. The first couple set up the thesis and the process, while the rest carry us through the process. The process does come to an abrupt end, though. A sentence or two could be added to the second to last paragraph to wrap up the story a bit better.
5. Would the essay improve if the paragraphs were arranged differently? Why/why not? Note any paragraph that seems out of order.
All of his paragraphs are in order, and I found it easy to read because of this.
6. Are the paragraphs connected to one another smoothly and logically? Are there transitions between paragraphs that help you understand how the writer’s ideas are connected? Do individual paragraphs seem well detailed? What suggestions would you make about adding/subtracting specific details?
The transitions are pretty good, but I think the second to last paragraph's transition needs work. As mentioned before, a sentence or two could be added to make the transition a bit smoother.
7. Are all of the writer’s paragraphs unified and coherent? Indicate which paragraphs have any sentences that seem irrelevant (“unity” concerns) or out of order (“coherence” concerns).
The coherence of his essay is good. It was easy for me to understand from paragraph to paragraph.
8. Go back and read the first and last paragraph. Has the writer fulfilled the obligations he or she established in the introduction? Does the writer accomplish everything promised in the introduction, or does the essay go off track or seem to switch focus? Why or why not? How can the conclusion be improved?
Actually, yes, the introduction and conclusion seem to mismatch. The introduction is more about Cory, but the conclusion is more about his friend. If the introduction is reviewed and the conclusion is rewritten, the essay would make more sense.
9. Now look at sentences. Does the writer have sentences that strike you as effective because they include strong verbs, specific details, memorable phrases, or striking images? Does the writer have any words they repeat too often, use incorrectly, or misspells? Finally, does the writer have any tendencies for error they should be made aware of? (Think comma splices, run-on sentences, switches in verb tense, etc.)
When the "charred burgers" were mentioned, it helped bring life to the essay. However, a lot of run on sentences hindered my ability to smoothly understand what was happening at times.
10. Write a summary comment that explains what you like best about the paper. Then, describe the two features of the paper that most need improvement. What suggestion(s) for overcoming these problems do you have?
I liked how this essay touched on a topic that is relevant to nearly anyone in college. However, having someone proofread this essay will help combat against run on sentences. Also, forming a better transition from the body to the conclusion, and revising the conclusion will make this essay more understandable and clear.
No comments:
Post a Comment